Por Mariel Martínez
Despedida
Adiós, patria y hogar.
Roberto Santoro, 27 de septiembre de 1976
Cuarenta y dos años pasaron desde el comienzo de la última dictadura cívico militar que asoló de muerte a nuestro país. Seguimos pensando, organizándonos, luchando contra sus lastres y sus crímenes, buscando la justicia, intentando un resarcimiento siempre imposible, siempre insuficiente.
Yo, que nací en sus estertores, legué recuerdos y experiencias. Entre tantos, había en casa un pequeño libro que recopilaba algunos de los afiches publicitarios con que los militares intentaban meterse en el seno familiar. Buscaban interpelar a las madres, a los padres, incitándolos a preguntarse si su hijo o su hija era un terrorista. Ensayaban la vigilancia interna en la estructura más sólida del sistema: la familia. Pasa, paradojas de la historia, que fue allí también en donde encontraron y en donde se siguen encontrando los núcleos más nodales de resistencia. Porque si la familia es la célula de la sociedad, habría que ser como el cáncer y tomar cada célula de a poquito. Las nuevas formas de pensar esta palabra pueden ser también espacios desde donde avanzar. Los organismos de derechos humanos nos lo han enseñado con pasión y perseverancia; el feminismo, como actor político, lo viene actualizando con osadía y radicalidad.
Porque madre no hay una sola
Cuando era piba pregunté por los Padres. Allá por los noventa, me llamaba la atención que existiera un sujeto político llamado Madres de Plaza de Mayo y no uno que se llamara Padres. No me acuerdo la respuesta que recibí, pero calculo, porque conozco el paño, que habrá sido una en relación al “instinto”. Maternal, se entiende. Calculo también que esa respuesta me habrá tranquilizado porque allá en mi adolescencia el feminismo todavía no había venido a inquietarme. Ahora que gracias a la historia y a mis hermanas sí me interpela, sigo sin respuestas. O al menos sin una respuesta única. Lo del instinto, con perdón de los sociólogos y las sociólogas que lean esto, un poco me cierra. Pero no por lo materno, sino por algo de lo de ser mujer. Sin hacerme eco de la suelta de palabras en relación a lo “femenino” que pronunció en estos días la señora vicepresidenta, pienso que hay algo que tiene que ver con el ser mujeres. Sin haber vivido ese dolor, sé que el nacer mujer trae aparejada una vida en la que la constante es la lucha contra la injusticia, la desigualdad y la opresión, y que el miedo no es para nosotras un sentimiento ni novedoso ni paralizante. Será, pienso, por eso, que a las madres les resultó más urgente o más necesario o más lógico juntarse y dar pelea.
Yo me preguntaba estas cosas allá por los noventa en un rincón del conurbano oeste porque para los que heredábamos una historia que estaba mal, que era una herida, el pañuelo blanco y el tren lleno que nos llevaba a la capital a los 24 de marzo, a los 16 de septiembre, a las marchas de la resistencia, nos daba un este –para no seguir nombrando al norte como punto de referencia-, un lugar en donde encauzar nuestra necesidad de cambiar al mundo.
Rumeo, asocio ideas. Hace unos días cumplió años Nora Cortiñas. A mí de ella me interpelan muchas cosas, pero hay una en particular que es también la que comparte con sus compañeras de militancia y que es la idea de la maternidad colectiva. Muchas veces la leí o la escuché decir que ella había sido madre de un hijo, pero que ahora era la madre de treinta mil. Pienso esto ahora que puedo cuestionarme la estructura de familia en que he vivido y en la que al parecer habría que vivir, ahora que puedo pensar a la mujer y a la maternidad en ese conjunto de ideas. De dónde sale la fuerza de esas mujeres reunidas, me pregunto. De ser madres o de ser mujeres o de poder cuestionarse la manera en que –primero la dictadura y luego también la democracia, que las siguió mirando como locas- les pedía que ejercieran su papel, vuelvo a preguntarme.
Rondo esto ahora porque si bien la reflexión que extendía y amplificaba la maternidad de las madres tiene los mismos años que su organización, es una alegría novedosa el diálogo de las organizaciones de derechos humanos con el feminismo. A mí ver a Norita con el pañuelo verde de la Campaña Nacional por el derecho al aborto legal seguro y gratuito, llamándose a sí misma feminista y uniendo sus dedos índices y pulgares en el signo inconfundible de una vulva, me hizo pensar. Con esperanza, pensar. Cuánto podemos enseñarnos, las mujeres que se organizaron en Madres y Abuelas y las mujeres que se organizan en el feminismo. Algo de la persistencia y la tenacidad, algo de lo radical y lo masivo. Un poco y un poco. Una tierra a recorrer en donde las coordenadas mujer y lucha siempre tienden a encontrase.
Dice mi padre
En casa se escuchaban dos o tres discos (discos de pasta, sí) que variaban entre Mercedes Sosa, Jorge Cafrune y Alfredo Zitarrosa. El de Mercedes Sosa se llamaba Hasta la victoria; entonces para mí ese sintagma estaba más asociado a una guitarra y a un vozarrón femenino que a la revolución. Cosas de niña: separaba. Para entender, supongo. Ahora pienso que crecer quizás sea ir juntando los pedazos que una misma es, porque mujer, guitarra y revolución me parecen partes de una misma cosa. El disco de Zitarrosa se terminó gastando, era el que más se escuchaba. El que más escuchaba mi viejo que cantaba, también con su vozarrón grave, la letra de “adagio en mi país”.
Me acuerdo de él, de mi padre digo, siempre que escucho esa canción. En estos días sobre todo de esta frase: “dice mi padre que un solo traidor puede con mil valientes”. Siempre me había sonado incómoda. Porque no era lo que trataba de decirme mi padre, ni tampoco lo que en definitiva terminaba afirmando la canción, que hablaba de un futuro de obreros, de un tiempo nuestro que llegaría. Pero ahí inserta en el medio de la melodía, esa frase me golpeaba. Cómo un traidor iba a poder con mil valientes, y si fuera así, cómo íbamos a atrevernos a cantarlo. Supongo que habrá tenido que ver con sí mismo –con Zitarrosa, digo- con su vida rota de aquellos días. La canción es de 1973, de un tiempo después de que la dictadura uruguaya lo haya obligado a irse a otro país y un tiempo antes de que la dictadura argentina lo obligue a irse a otro continente. Después, la historia que se supo. Pero en ese momento cantaba, quizás, la historia que aún no se sabía del todo.
No pienso ahora en esto por casualidad. Escribo porque la traición de Astiz siempre me pareció de las más abyectas: un traidor actuando de traidor. Astiz, que del panteón de los traidores debe ser el que les limpia el culo a los otros con la lengua. Pienso: ahora que sabemos que nuca fue lo que en algún momento dijo ser –y que sabemos también que lo grave no es lo que no fue sino lo que ha sido- me pregunto de dónde ha podido sacar tremenda perversión para ejercer su papel de Judas. Cómo logró acumular la crueldad que le exigió actuar de víctima para luego actuar de traidor. Cuál habrá sido la secreta fórmula para hacer dos papeles inventados para una película de terror y muerte. Pienso esto ahora porque creo que ninguna de las condenas que puede dársele es suficiente para hacer justicia a ninguno de sus roles en la historia: ni al de falsa víctima, ni al de presunto traidor ni, al más cierto, de grandísimo canalla. Pienso esto ahora porque a horas del 24 de marzo de 2018 el nombre de Alfredo Astiz –junto con el de otros 16 represores- está en la lista de 1436 presos que el Servicio Penitenciario Federal propone para ofrecerles el beneficio de la prisión domiciliaria.
Es esa frase corta de aquella canción la que me trae estas imágenes. El año pasado escuché la versión de Tonolec en la voz de Charo Bogarín. Su padre, Pancho Bogarín, desaparecido, había dejado escritas, en uno de sus cautiverios anteriores al que se llevara su vida, unas coplas:
Que no lloren mis amigos,
porque nunca podrán lograr
las cadenas ni las jaulas,
aprisionarles las alas
a las ideas y al canto.
Porque no lloran los santos
ni en los infiernos se reza;
aunque ruede mi cabeza,
mis coplas me irán nombrando.
Que no lloren mis amigos,
no desperdicien su llanto;
ahoguen sus penas en canto
desparramando los cielos.
Que unan sus cantos quiero,
en un grito temerario;
al reclamo milenario
¡la libertad de los pueblos!”
Cuando la escuché a Charo Bogarín cantar en vivo Dice mi padre también me acordé del mío, que se murió hace poco, loco, cantando “los hijos del pueblo” con el puño izquierdo en alto. A él lo echaron de la Ford un poco antes de 1975, era delegado. Me pregunto si habrá estado agradecido de esa chance de la historia o si la habrá vivido con culpa. No hubo –y ya no hay- cómo saberlo. Me pregunto por las palabras de tantos padres que ya no hay cómo escuchar.
En Carta a mis amigos, Rodolfo Walsh relató la muerte de su hija Vicki, asesinada en combate por los militares en septiembre de 1976. Es, entera y en cada letra, conmovedora. A mí es esta oración la que más me moviliza: “su muerte fue gloriosamente suya, y en ese orgullo me afirmo y soy yo quien renace de ella”. Soy yo quien renace de ella. Cuánta humildad y cuánto orgullo, cuánta capacidad reflexiva en torno a la relación entre padres e hijos habrá que juntar para decir: soy padre, pero mi hija, muriendo, me ha parido de nuevo.
En el nombre del hijo
Mi tío se llamaba Floreal (mi abuelo era anarquista) y había sido militante montonero y había sobrevivido y entonces yo lo conocí inmensamente triste. Fue mi hermano la clave para extirparle un poco de esa tristeza. Él –mi hermano- se había acercado en el oeste a los compañeros y compañeras de HIJOS, que se habían organizado por acá, por el barrio, a partir del aniversario de los 20 años del golpe. Y entonces mi tío empezó a ocuparse de cuestiones eléctricas y otras cosas necesarias que casi ninguno sabía hacer y así anduvo la última década de su vida, un poco reconciliado con el mundo, creo.
Era un poco tío y un poco padre, Floreal, y entonces yo siempre había tratado de que saliera de ese mundo de angustias y de fantasmas. Pero no fui yo quien lo logró, sino los hijos e hijas de otros. Los hijos con puntitos (H.I.J.O.S) como les dice María Moreno. En su último libro, Oración, habla de ellos y de ellas. De los hijos e hijas con puntitos, digo, y recorre algunas experiencias de sublimación artística, es decir, de jóvenes que hicieron de su vida como experiencia política, como historia viva, la posibilidad de otra cosa, la construcción de cimientos nuevos y la reconstrucción de los viejos, porque eran también parte de luchas que excedían sus propias vidas e incluso la de sus padres. Hay una que está relatada en detalle: la obra Mi vida después, de Lola Arias. La particularidad de esta obra es que tanto la directora como los actores son hijos o nietos. De desaparecidos, pensarán ustedes. Pues no. O no sólo. Porque en escena aparecía, por ejemplo, Vanina Falco, mostrando el expediente del juicio que su hermano apropiado (Juan Cabandié) le hizo a su padre Luis Antonio Flaco, ex agente de inteligencia de la policía federal, juicio en el que ella misma declaró como testigo contra su padre.
Historias desobedientes. Así se llama la incipiente organización de hijos e hijas de genocidas. O de ex hijos e hijas, como se llaman algunos de ellos. Es para pensar: la primera vez que marcharon fue en junio del año pasado, en la convocatoria que desde 2015 nuclea al movimiento de mujeres alrededor de la consigna “ni una menos”. Otra vez la fuerza de las mujeres hace que se mueva la historia, incluso la historia familiar. Y, además, en esta organización, la mayoría lo son. Quizás el relato que más conmueve sea el de Mariana Dopazo, que se cambió su apellido paterno (Etchecolatz) hace poco más de un año y que marchó por primera vez contra su padre en la movilización que a fines del año pasado se oponía al llamado “dos por uno”, ley que beneficiaba a varios genocidas con la baja de sus penas.
La lucha por declarar en los juicios contra sus padres genocidas fue una de las razones que los hizo juntarse, pero al parecer no fue la única, porque también los viene cruzando el repensar sus historias familiares, sus vidas de hijos e hijas que son la contracara de aquellas de los HIJOS con puntitos que se supieron organizar cuando la larga noche neoliberal nos hablaba de perdón y de olvido. De aquellos hijos e hijas que fueron los faros mayores de los que andábamos buscando por donde había que pelear la justicia y también, quizás, de alguna extraña forma, de estos nuevos desobedientes que se andarían peguntando cuestiones sobre sí mismos y sus propios relatos. Sujetos que negando a sus padres construyen en la condena al pasado la posibilidad de otro futuro para sí, de otras relaciones, otras patrias, otras familias. Que buscan en la desobediencia la forma de obedecer a la vida.
De lo personal y lo político
De las múltiples tareas reflexivas y militantes que nos tocan como generaciones post dictadura, no sé cuál será la más difícil. Sé, porque lo estoy aprendiendo en terapia, que para indagar lo familiar hay que tener coraje. También sé que no es una tarea individual, o al menos no sólo. Que variados sujetos, organizaciones, nucleamientos, se animan hoy a pensar cómo cada átomo concebido como personal ha tenido en realidad sus fundamentos en la historia política y económica de esta sociedad. Los organismos de derechos humanos que empezaron a juntarse a partir de entender estos cruces y con el objetivo de la búsqueda de la verdad y la justicia han sido pioneros en estas reflexiones: las madres, los hijos, las abuelas, todos los familiares que entendieron que su lucha no era individual y que tampoco lo eran ni sus causas ni sus muertos.
Esa fuerza que está viva hoy es además un legado para las organizaciones que suman luchas a las luchas. Si las mujeres sabemos dar pelea, es también porque aprendimos que la familia no es sólo la que indica la sangre, ni tiene una sola forma, ni es propiedad privada, ni sirve para la vigilancia, ni es un corset. De nuestras madres las Madres, de nuestros guías los HIJOS, aprendimos que se puede hacer otra historia. Que hay que salir a buscar la familia en los compañeros y compañeras –muchas de nosotras hoy en nuestras mujeres hermanas y compañeras- que supieron una vez y andan sabiendo siempre algo que venimos repitiendo como un mantra: lo político es también lo personal. Recordarlo cada día porque nuestras luchas vienen juntas. Para que siempre nuestra fuerza sea la fuerza colectiva. Para que nunca nos escinda la historia.
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